Tuesday, June 15, 2010

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Poem: “Black Church” by Jonah

1

There was a black church
In the land of mist and clouds!
Dressed in darkness inside
And so all the surrounds…
A holy cross rose atop,
Dark itself, too, so dull.
Built on an ancient graveyard
Of a hundred million skulls!
Days pass by… years just die…
But still it is this gloomy night!
Silence spread… that of the dead…
A witness to the death of light!

There, an old man prays…
To gods unidentified!
Alive, his flesh decays
Rotting before he died!
Down he kneels again
As far as he can…
Gazes at the dark…
And slowly embarks.
Emptiness…
Nothingness…
So called holiness!


Comments (6)

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Very interesting piece Jonah! It has a sort of satirical/Gothic twist to it.
I have a suggestion—a grammatical one—try not to use Ellipsis (three dots) at the end of verses. Use normal punctuation as if you're writing normal clauses/sentences. I also prefer not to start every verse in an upper-case letter, even though both are correct (it's just my personal preference). I hope you welcome my criticism :)

Keep it up buddy and more power to you!
1 reply · active 772 weeks ago
I most certainly do. If you had sent me a message saying "nice done" I would have learned nothing. Thank you for the advice. I have used lots of Ellipsis ever since I was in school and always got the same remarks. It has become a habit while I type and I hate to alter anything I have written. Not even grammatical mistakes. To me, when I write, and especially poetry, I am not the same man. I be in a state that happens rarely and usually amid my sleep. I just get out of bed and start writing.

Anyway, I think I should try to remove those three dots out of my mind. :)
My pleasure Jonah! We all learn new things every day, and I really appreciate any feedback or comments that would help me improve my writing (or anything else of that matter.)

Waiting for your next post. Take care ^_^
I've always wanted to write a poem but I seem to be better at aesthetic prose. Any advice on how to begin writing poems? Or is it some sort of talent and you don't actually know how you come up with it? :P
2 replies · active 771 weeks ago
Well, to be honest, it is a bit of both. But the most important part is having good vocab and being good with language structure.

Still, you need to have a feel for the poem or you will end up just making sentences that rhyme.

Things that help me:
1- never attempt to write a poem about a subject that you do not really know and understand.
2- be honest, for a lie never comes out sincere.
3- read a lot of poetry
4- have a motive (when there is passion, you can do anything)
5- whenever you get the want to write, do it. I usually wake up in the middle of the night with a line in my head, i keep repeating it till i get to my laptop or a pen and paper, and the flow comes.

I hope this helps my friend, but please know, it is the concept that matters. Whether you put it in an essay, draw it in a painting, sing it, put it in a poem, or take a photo, it is the concept that matters.

Sorry for the long speech.

-Jonah
Nicely put Jonah!
I just want to add that I've tried to write a poem, on many different occasions, and the only times that I have succeeded were when I wrote about a subject to which I was emotionally attached..

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