Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Poem: “Black Church” by Jonah
There was a black church
In the land of mist and clouds!
Dressed in darkness inside
And so all the surrounds…
A holy cross rose atop,
Dark itself, too, so dull.
Built on an ancient graveyard
Of a hundred million skulls!
Days pass by… years just die…
But still it is this gloomy night!
Silence spread… that of the dead…
A witness to the death of light!
There, an old man prays…
To gods unidentified!
Alive, his flesh decays
Rotting before he died!
Down he kneels again
As far as he can…
Gazes at the dark…
And slowly embarks.
Emptiness…
Nothingness…
So called holiness!
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Poem: “Black Church” by Jonah
2010-06-15T11:46:00+03:00
Jonah Di Bap
Church|Poetry|Religion|Sarcasm|
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Wolf Ghg · 772 weeks ago
I have a suggestion—a grammatical one—try not to use Ellipsis (three dots) at the end of verses. Use normal punctuation as if you're writing normal clauses/sentences. I also prefer not to start every verse in an upper-case letter, even though both are correct (it's just my personal preference). I hope you welcome my criticism :)
Keep it up buddy and more power to you!
jonahdibap 16p · 772 weeks ago
Anyway, I think I should try to remove those three dots out of my mind. :)
Wolf Ghg · 771 weeks ago
Waiting for your next post. Take care ^_^
SammyRam · 771 weeks ago
jonahdibap 16p · 771 weeks ago
Still, you need to have a feel for the poem or you will end up just making sentences that rhyme.
Things that help me:
1- never attempt to write a poem about a subject that you do not really know and understand.
2- be honest, for a lie never comes out sincere.
3- read a lot of poetry
4- have a motive (when there is passion, you can do anything)
5- whenever you get the want to write, do it. I usually wake up in the middle of the night with a line in my head, i keep repeating it till i get to my laptop or a pen and paper, and the flow comes.
I hope this helps my friend, but please know, it is the concept that matters. Whether you put it in an essay, draw it in a painting, sing it, put it in a poem, or take a photo, it is the concept that matters.
Sorry for the long speech.
-Jonah
FTLebanon 41p · 771 weeks ago
I just want to add that I've tried to write a poem, on many different occasions, and the only times that I have succeeded were when I wrote about a subject to which I was emotionally attached..